WESTWOODYesterday I gave my main man Tim Westwood, DJ extraordinaire, a lift to Hemel Hempstead. He had a gig and "as a joke" the club hadn't arranged any transport for him. He thought that was hilarious, even though it happens quite frequently.

We were on the London orbital and Tim told me to take junction 19. I said, "I'm pretty sure it's junction 20, Tim". He replied, "Westwood is IN THE HOUSE and he is shoutin' AT YOU that the one and the NINE is what you should be takin'!" I felt quite abashed. I was only trying to help.

So anyway, long story short, turns out it WAS junction 20. We ended up in a village called Little Chalfont. Westwood said, "is this where I am gonna lay down my MAIN BEATS?". I told him, "no, Tim, we need to get to Hemel Hempstead". "This place is not giving me my vibes!" Quite. Tim didn't have any idea how to read a map. He had the 2003/2004 AA Big Road Atlas of the UK, a fair piece of cartography in my opinion, but not his. "No way! This shit is OUT OF CONTROL!". We were late to the gig, and he told me it was my fault. He also complained that my Fiat Punto had not been "pimped" enough to "let [him] 'rive in style with my hoes in tow".

I don't like Westwood any more. The man is an idiot. I didn't even bother asking him if he thought it was cool to try to speak British Black English despite the fact that he's white, and sell a manufactured (and desperately clichéd) image to the ignorant mainstream. It's the last time he gets a lift off me.

Permalink || Posted 26/6/2005 by Pete


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