Welcome, willkommen, au revoir.

Me...oh yeah

Allow me to take this oppurtunity to welcome you to what I like to consider my family. You're not genetically related to me (God knows, I'm too handsome for that to be possible) but that doesn't mean I can't treat you like a child, or perhaps even a superior pet. Don't worry, I'm not going to raise you, or feed you, or change your nappies or console you when you get raped. I don't want access rights to you and you certainly won't be getting "second daddy day" once a month. There'll be no birthday card from me waiting for you on your birthday, and if an undertaker calls and wants me to ID your body at the morgue, I'll tell them I'm not here and hang the phone up.

So what do I want, and what do you get? It's simple. I want your unflinching loyalty to me. I don't want you following me around taking bullets for me or any such nonsense. A noble cause, I know, but I have more expendable people like Phil doing that sort of low-level stuff. So how can you display your devotion to my good self? In ancient Rome, slaves declared their loyalty to their eternal masters by severing their genitals and making garden ornaments out of them. Luckily for you, however, I don't want your penis or labia in my herbaceous border. In fact, all I want is for you to visit this website. In return, you get me. Not sexually, or physically, in fact, even metaphorically is stretching it. All you really get is this website, updated on a whim, with its droves of comedic gold. And that, my son, is all you need.

What's new?

Even the stupidest of you will have noticed that I've changed the name and appearance of the site. I've also done some other stuff too. I had an "excellent" blog on MSN Spaces where I posted many a funny entry and hilarity almost always ensued. Unfortunately, MSN Spaces is a complete shitwank and is not suitable for hosting a parasite, let alone a high calibre comedy blog. Therefore I decided to move to a location where I had more control over the content and the sparodic crashing behaviour. I've copied all the blogs (save for the ones where hilarity did NOT ensue), as well as the rants and miscellaneous crap from my last site.

I rewrote the site to be "standards compliant", mainly because I felt an anal complex coming on. Plus, I'm cool and that's what all the cool kids do.

I decided that, after five years of having a domain name I didn't really like, a renaming was in order. After literally minutes of brainstorming, arguing and self harm, I choose "The Natflap". This was not a lightly-taken decision, and I can justify it with many reasons:

You'll also see a login box at the top of the page. I'm not sure why I put this in. It doesn't work, yet. Don't ask me why it's not working, because I'll get upset and angry. It will work soon enough and your long wait will be over. Just think of it as a mystery, like the strange monster on "Lost", or George Galloway's status as an MP.

Some people may not like the name change. To those people I say: CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT, BITCH! Feel free to explore the new site, and I hope you enjoy it, but if you don't then I should be able to come to terms with it.

Permalink || Posted 13/1/2006 by Pete

7 comments »«

  1. bfd - 17/1/2006 - 9:05pm

    sbfd

  2. Your Mum - 17/1/2006 - 9:06pm

    What a fucking bag of toss. 1 post a minute my arse.

  3. Matt - 18/1/2006 - 2:40am

    Finally, nattress, you get your website to work so i can post abuse - i was not best pleased when i found i could not even slate the broken links because your site was so crap that it wasnt able to record posts.

    Glad you have mustered the intelligence of a monkey and managed to make this work to some extent.

  4. Alex - 19/1/2006 - 12:03pm

    Couldnt you have put the bit about not having to sever your genitals at the top..?
    Anyone got a plaster?

  5. The Writer™ - 20/1/2006 - 8:57pm

    Right. So this is the newest venture of NatCorp™ is it? So what happens to petermat? Is it just cast under the rug/down the toilet like a used condom?

  6. kyle - 23/1/2006 - 7:33pm

    no way as good as petermat...why is it so basic?

  7. Phil - 24/1/2006 - 3:36pm

    Petermat > Natflap.

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