Sheiks on a Plane

Sheiks on a Plane with Abu Hamza

"I want these motherfucking sheiks off this motherfucking plane!"

Dear New Line Cinema,

I am writing in the hope that my letter will reach you despite the deluge of praise you are no doubt inundated with after Snakes on a Plane went on general release. I, like many of my compatriots, enjoyed the film immensely, yet I also felt it was lacking something. You see, snakes are all well and good, but no one believes for a second that snakes are the number one threat to aviation in this day and age. There is something in our midst far more terrifying and much more likely to be able to infiltrate a plane: a Muslim.

I may be a humble Northern boy from England, but I know how movies work. They exploit our deepest fears and harvest our most frightful nightmares. This is what Snakes on a Plane failed to do. No one is scared about snakes getting on a plane. Instead, air passengers today pace nervously in the departure lounge, prognosticating over what could happen should a Muslim somehow manage to board their flight. Snakes are not even considered. So I propose that the sequel to Snakes on a Plane features not snakes, but Sheiks.

This is an idea to which I have given considerable thought, and concluded that it would make sense for New Line from a budgeting perspective as well as an artistic one. Most of the scenes from Snakes could be recycled in Sheiks. For instance, the line "can you hear slithering?" could be redubbed "can you hear Arabic?". People could begin to get suspicious when a suitcase is dropped and springs open to reveal warm clothes (as you know, every brown-skinned person who ever wore warm clothes on a warm day was guilty as hell -- just look at that Menezes guy). The man in a turban could be featured more prominently to create a sense of panic, but the cast and audience would be relieved when it is revealed that he is just a Sikh.

The Sheik attacks themselves could be pre-empted by a passenger. "Where did that Muslim's hand luggage go?" he could say, before… BANG, the merciless Muslim pulls out a massive Qu'ran and starts reading it. People start screaming and the aeroplane loses altitude, causing the oxygen masks to fall down. At first the Muslims pretend they have nothing to do with it, desperately clutching the dangling masks, but Sam Jackson sees through their deception and batters them to death with a clipboard before they can strike back. Admittedly I haven't given much thought to what happens beyond this point. Perhaps the plane could turn around and be searched for any remaining hidden Muslims.

Now I know you're reading this and there are some niggling doubts in your mind about the so-called "political correctness" problems this film could face. Some ignorant liberal idiots may try and protest, saying that not all Muslims are dangerous and that to demonise and stereotype them is irresponsible, disgusting behaviour which belongs in the dark ages. I urge you not to be perturbed by these PC do-gooders. The fact is, all Muslims are dangerous and shouldn't be allowed to fly. Sheiks on a Plane will really hammer that point home and make people think twice before they get on a plane with a brown man wearing a dress. I urge you to make this film.

Yours hopefully,

Nick Griffin

Permalink || Posted 23/8/2006 by Pete

8 comments »«

  1. riach - 23/8/2006 - 5:01pm

    lol, paki's

  2. Ian - 23/8/2006 - 5:22pm

    Nice, very nice pete!

  3. golem - 29/8/2006 - 8:51pm

    SHEIKS ON A PLANE - good idea for a film and fuck the political correctedness factor. Anybody who is PC with regards to muslims and the incredible amount of danger they pose to Western Democracy are either strident leftists yearning for the dissolution of the United States, Great Britain, Canada etc. or are PC spineless wimps too afraid to truly face up to the muslim horde. Muslims do NOT mix well with either airplanes nor are they compatible with democracy - too bad that left-leaning Ted Kennedy/John Kerry types here in the States and counterparts of the same in the UK are totally blind to this muslim contagion and islamic hatred for fredom and democracy......well, perhaps here in the US the idiots are more concerned about their votes now.....worry about the beheadings, box cutter knives on airplanes, muslim sheiks invoking their hatred against all non-muslims, explosives and suitcase nukes later.

  4. dave, bnp fan - 1/9/2006 - 3:01pm

    FUCKING PC, FUCK PC, ARGGGHHH GET PC AWAY FROM ME, I HATE PC, THE FUCKING MUSLIM CUNTS, OH SORRY, PC, I WASN'T BEING PC. I DON'T CARE, FUCK PC FUCK PC FUCK PC.

  5. dave, communism fan - 1/9/2006 - 3:04pm

    Excuse me, kind sirs, but could you refrain from using such offensive terms to minorites as "muslim cunts", "PC spineless wimps", "John Kerry types", "strident leftists" and "western democracy". You have not only upset hundreds of people, but you have made me cry.

  6. helz - 2/9/2006 - 6:03pm

    ...and golem just confirms that americans don't get irony or know anything about the UK.

  7. FDX1984 - 26/11/2009 - 7:09pm

    Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, as the rusty Scimitar beheads another person. I say send them all to Gitmo and make them eat nothing but ham sandwiches and hot dogs....yeah they get the same rights as US citizens now thanks to Ossama Obbamma and his band of Washington Thugs. Thanks for the change Democrats.

  8. Leena - 30/12/2009 - 3:09pm

    Wow this kind of ignorance fuels the hate. Not all muslims are bad infact islam is against this. Islam says to kill a person is like killing all of mankind. Murder is a sin. The terrorist do not understand islam and only hate to the religon. This is truly sad

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