Lesbians

Lesbos I hate to be the bearer of bad news. I really do. However, at this time, I feel that something must be said. And on this occasion, that something concerns lesbians.

To every man out there fantasising about lesbians, I implore you: stop now. Seriously. Lesbians are way way overrated. Here are some facts of life, OK? They may not be pretty, but they sure are true. (The facts, not the lesbians). Fact number one: you will never get invited into a threesome with 2 women. Any man entertaining this fanciful notion needs to stop tearing himself apart NOW. It's not going to happen. Lesbians don't want some sweaty, balding bloke watching over them in exactly the same way that YOU don't want another man watching you get busy with your wife. Unless you do want that, in which case, you sicken me. Please email me so I can further tell you how disgusting you are, and maybe we can also meet up sometime, what do you say?

Where was I. Ah yes. Fact number two: lesbians are not attractive. All lesbians are fat, butch women in their late fourties. The majority have already hit the menopause. Anything else you may have been led to believe is a filthy lie propogated by the pornography industry. Don't believe me? Fine by me, keep living in your silly dream world, see if I care.

The third and final fact is this. Lesbians do not get off with each other. They do not 'pussybang' or play 'finger tennis' or perform 'flap inspection' or whatever else is in the filename of that film you got off Kazaa. They sit there holding hands, cheering Germaine Greer and occasionally going to some stupid two-bit gay rights march. Most lesbians don't even know what a cunt looks like, except Germaine of course, she sees one every day in the mirror! Hahaha.

This concludes the lesson on lesbians. I'm sorry to bring you back down to earth with such pomposity, but it's for your own good, trust me. Goodnight.

Permalink || Posted 2/10/2005 by Pete

2 comments »«

  1. CUT YER HAIR - 20/4/2006 - 8:57pm

    YOU HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES

  2. blah - 5/6/2006 - 8:14pm

    you are too funny

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