Inbox for simon@apostlenet.com

Subject: The "Last Supper" Agenda and Minutes
From: thomas@apostlenet.com
To: Peter; Andrew; James-TheLess; John; Philip; Bartholomew; Thomas; James-TheGreat; Matthew; Simon; Judas; Thaddaeus; JC

Hi guys, good meeting last night, I think we got a lot done and I think we all had a good time as well! I've written up the minutes as Jesus requested, you should just skim over them to make sure it's all there; I think I covered all the bases. I'm not sure where Jesus actually is today, he's not been in the office and he's not answering his mobile. If you see him can you tell him I'm looking for him?

Thom

---
:) :) You don't have to be Jewish to work here, but it helps! :) :)


Attachment: minutes1.txt:

Invited to attend: Peter; Andrew; James the Less; John; Philip; Bartholomew; Thomas; James the Great; Matthew; Simon; Judas; Thaddaeus

Chair: Jesus Christ

Apologies: Mary Magdalene

Agenda:

Welcome/Minutes of Last Meeting

All arrived punctually apart from Phil who was five minutes late. Again. Jesus forgave him and joked that he needs to buy a wristwatch. The only issue with the last minutes was that Thom had spelt Thaddaeus's name wrong for the third time in a row. Thom apologised and assured Thaddeaus that it would not happen again.

Problems with Roman Centurions

John and Simon both raised the point that we have been receiving undue hassle from the Romans recently, who have been impeding our healing/preaching and generally being a nuisance. Jesus speculated that this was because of new bureaucracy seeping down from Rome but we are unsure of the true reason. James the Great suggested that as a temporary measure we avoid the Romans as much as possible. Judas said that he was actually meeting with some Romans tomorrow to try and reach an agreement which would hopefully eliminate the problem once and for all. Jesus expressed concern that Judas had not run this past him first, but reassured him that he trusted his judgement. Judas coughed as if to stifle a laugh but said it was just a bad case of the hiccups.

Healing Quotas

God at Head Office has told Jesus he is not curing enough lepers and is spending too much time with homosexuals and women. Jesus humbly reminded us that such people are beyond help, as God has ordained for them to be sinners and there is nothing we can do. Andrew asked why homosexuality is a sin given that it doesn't harm anyone and doesn't make sense seeing that God is pre-selecting sinners before they are born. Jesus said it was a good point and he'd ask God next time he saw him, probably in a few days. Bartholomew mumbled that Andrew was starting to sound like a "bum bandit" himself, but later apologised, attributing the outburst to too much wine and a difficult home life.

Betrayal of Jesus

Jesus invited us to all have a bit of bread and wine, joking that we shouldn't have too much as it is his flesh and blood after all! (Nice one Jesus!) He then announced that it has come to his attention that one of us will betray him tomorrow. This announcement was met with shock. Jesus said it was no big deal and would probably just blow over. One by one everyone denied there intention to betray Jesus, with Judas particularly insistent. This matter is unresolved as of today.

AOB

One small point was raised by Bartholomew; Judas did not seem to have his halo with him at the meeting. Judas apologised and told us that it was in the wash. Jesus wished everyone a safe journey home and foretold that tomorrow would be quite a busy day!

Permalink || Posted 24/2/2006 by Pete

4 comments »«

  1. The Natflap - 24/2/2006 - 5:21pm

    Thanks to JOSH for the idea: http://spaces.msn.com/joshjb/

  2. dave - 26/2/2006 - 2:57pm

    Utterly disgraceful. Lowering yourself to plagiarism, and ADMITTING IT. Christ!

  3. Noodle - 26/2/2006 - 5:38pm

    His last article, the "student newspaper", was all plagiarism too. I recognized some of my originals in there, as well as some of Bob Monkeyhouse's.

  4. kyle - 1/3/2006 - 4:38pm

    bloody brilliant as ever! i even understood it, and im jewish!

Add a comment



captcha image
Please Wait