We are a religion that believes in the power of Hair and its influence on strength of mind and strength of will. Read on to discover more about the Church of Hairism.

About the Church

We are a religion seperate from others. We are not Christians, nor Buddhists, nor Jedi. Our core belief is that Hair channels Life-Force, and that to restrict its growth or movement impedes our very mind. Hairists therefore do not cut or tie back our Hair, lest our spiritual well-being suffers. Other beliefs include wearing socks which best reflect our current mood, regardless of colour, and eating well. A true Hairist refutes all attempts to tidy or cut his or her Hair and exhibits great offence when it is described in a perjorative fashion. The most devoted Hairist may be driven to suicide if this happens.

The Hair and Life-Force

This image displays the importance of the Hair and Life-Force; the imperative belief of Hairism. The Hair provides a channel directly from the surrounding air, where the Life-Force exists, into the brain. As you can see, if the Hair is cut, tied back or even neatly groomed, the Life-Force can no longer gain entry into the brain and the Hairist dies (spiritually).

Our Leader

Our spiritual founder and leader, The Great And Hairy Davulus, currently leads the International Fellowship of Hairists. Davulus's Hair is the epitome of everything Hairism is and should be. Hairists around the world regularly pay hommage to our Leader Davulus in respect of both his Hair and wisdom. Time Magazine likened Davulus to a latter-day Jesus, if only for the length of his Hair. Davulus currently resides in England at an undisclosed location where he is pleasured by many women.

Become a Hairist

Hairism always seeks new members. To become a Hairist, simply grow your Hair to a length of more than 3 inches, and dispose of all combs and brushes in your house. You will be noted by another Hairist in the course of your daily routine and will be giving directions to the nearest Initiation Hall.

Myths about Hairism

There are many modern myths about Hairism, the majority of which are erraneous.

Myth: Hairism is just an excuse not to comb or cut your hair.
Truth: This is not true. Hairism is an ancient religion and to suggest otherwise is tantamount to slander.

Myth: Hairists do not wash their Hair.
Truth: Hairists do in fact wash their Hair regularly as it keeps more channels open to receive Life-Force.

Myth: Davulus The Great is a closet homosexual.
Truth: There is no evidence for this. Hairism is indiscriminate of sexuality, welcoming all batties and dykes just as much as normals.

Myth: Hairists defecate on the doorsteps of non-believers.
Truth: Due to some isolated past instances, this inaccurate myth has become dispersed into the world. It is untrue and certainly not regularly condoned by the Church of Hairism.