This rant was removed from the site after Safeway/Morissons found it. I've put it up now I'm no longer bound by their prohibition of "publishing inappropriate materials". Since when was the truth inappropriate?

If you work in a supermarket like I do, you'll quickly find yourself exposed to the hellish force of demons that is the general public. Anyone who works in retail has to interact with members of the general public, but my supermarket colleagues and I have the sour deal, because EVERYONE comes into supermarkets. It's a sickening, lukewarm taste of reality, and quickly the resounding question forms in one's ear, and repeats itself, over and over again: "why is everyone so fucking STUPID?"

The sheer level of idiocy I encounter on a day-to-day basis is incredible, and every day, I become slightly more annoyed with people in general. I get the impression that everyone who shops in Safeway watches You've Been Framed just to hear Lisa Reiley's witticisms, or listens intently to Scott Mill's delightful primetime 3 hour bullshit marathons on Radio 1, just to hear the hilarious prank calls. They really are that dumb.

I have a list of examples longer than all my pubes stuck together, but I somehow feel that however many I reel off, you won't get the full point. How about the drunken fuckwit who accused me of being rude after he dropped his change? The COUNTLESS dipshits I get who can't even count properly? Or the ones who spontaneously change their minds about wanting cashback as they're signing the slip? Better yet, the ones who actually SIGN AND INITIAL their cashback, then complain that they didn't ask for it. Now I'm not omnipotent, I can't get it right all the time, but if they've actually SIGNED for the cashback, it's their problem for not reading the fucking slip. Cunts.

People who tell me to throw the receipt away, change their mind after I've chucked it in the bin, then expect me to rumble through the bin like some fucking subservient Womble to get it for them. People who would piss on their Grandmother's grave to find a "good deal", leaving me to peel off shitloads of arserapist red labels. Here's a hint, you cunt, if it's reduced, that's because it's been shoved up my cat's arse and left to ferment in a sack of shit for five days. We don't give away semi-decent food for less. People who queue outside the shop before it opens. JUST GET A FUCKING LIFE. Take out a fucking subscription to The Sunday Times, get a milkman, and do your shopping some other time. The last thing I want to do on a Sunday morning is serve a bunch of incontinent 50somethings with nothing better to do than get up at 10 o' clock and go to Safeway for a paper and a wank (don't think I haven't seen you). Likewise, people who come into the shop as it's CLOSING. I WANT TO GO HOME YOU PRICKS, I don't want to serve you. Go shove a fucking bamboo stick up your arse and suck your dog off, and come back when we're OPEN.

One fuckface got annoyed with me because we only do cashback with debit cards. People always accuse me of ripping them off somehow, like by entering a price wrong. They rip themselves off by shopping in Safeway. It's a shithole. Go to Tesco. Some moribund bitch accused me of not checking her signatures matched. I retorted, "I doubt many thieves would steal a credit card, then come in here to buy groceries". That shut her up. I hope she's dead.

It's not just what people do, it's the people themselves. I've seen enough middle-aged inbreds working in a rural town's supermarket over the past year to suffice for the rest of my life. Wimborne is apparently a Pensioner Hot Spot, which is extremely bad news for me. The old chestnut that all pensioners stink off piss does have a strong basis in reality. Not only that, but they are fucking SLOW. They complain I scan their stuff too fast. Not only am I instructed by my superiors to scan fast, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the bloody kitchen. Buy a computer and use Tesco online - that way I don't annoy you with my fast and graceful scanning, and you don't annoy me with your fucking existence. Deal?

I don't see the point of pensioners. They sit around watching Kilroy and complaining about the government, leeching off the taxpayer as they whittle away the last few years of their worthless lives. The only decent pensioners are the ones who fought in the war, like my grandparents, and you never hear them complaining. They're just glad we're not all sucking Sauerkraut and hailing Hitler.

All in all, working in a supermarket just leaves me completely disheartened with the state of, well, everyone else. YOU ARE ALL STUPID. Whatever you do, don't come into Safeway in a hurry. Every day I get close to biting someone's face off and pissing down their eye sockets, and you may very well be my unwitting first victim.

Permalink || Posted 20/8/2004 by Pete


  1. Kyle - 26/4/2005 - 9:17pm

    I hate customers...fucking hate them

  2. Old Lady - 4/5/2005 - 8:47pm

    It is not our fault our eyes are too poor to see if it is a 1p or a 2p. It was much better in the old days when a farthing was a farthing and everyone knew what a tanner looked like. You just wait until you grow old and senile (unlike me!)

  3. pensioner - 20/7/2005 - 11:37am

    You ungretaeful git

  4. The Natflap - 10/9/2005 - 7:14pm

    All hail the rant's return.

  5. Hitler - 10/9/2005 - 10:54pm

    Yes, hail.

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