Conservative Christians

Christian holding God Hates Fags sign

Your typical fucktard, loving his neighbour as he loves himself.

I thought that conservative Christianity was the sort of bullshit Americans have to deal with, not something for the concern of we Brits. After all, when was the last time gay marriage or abortion rights were even MENTIONED as agendas during a British election campaign? Certainly not in my lifetime. But if the events of the past weekend account for anything, it seems that the worrying conclusion is that the gay-hating, god-fearing British element of conservative Christians are truly alive and kicking. They've just, it seems, been hidden under a rock.

I've given conservative Christianity a new name which shall be used hereafter: fucktard Christianity. I despise organized religion but I don't have any beef with "normal" Christians. Fucktard Christians, on the other hand, are an entirely different matter. Never content with bitching amongst themselves, they launch open attacks on our rights to freedom of speech, as well as publishing anti-gay, anti-liberalism and anti-anti-Christian rhetoric. So wrapped up in their own warped senses of self-righteousness, so convinced that national law is superfluous to the Bible (a 2000 year old book with multiple authors, and no provenance that it is the word of God), they fail to recognise the overwhelming truth that no one gives a flying fuck what they think.

The fucktards have been spurred into action over the airing of the "controversial" West-End musical, "Jerry Springer: The Opera". I didn't watch it and that is an inaction I now sorely regret. How could anyone have missed this?

[the show] portrayed Jesus as a "coprophiliac sexual deviant". A coprophiliac is someone sexually aroused by faeces. [Jesus] proclaims he is a bit gay, he has this shouting match with the devil..."

How do we know Jesus wasn't a "coprophiliac sexual deviant", that's what I want to know. And I reckon he probably was gay as well - after all, he never had sex and spent most of his time hanging round with 12 other men (a harem?), and he was VERY close to his mother. I'll bet he was disillusioned about manhood by the fact that his real father abandoned him before he was born, meaning he had to be raised by Joseph who never could have loved him like a real father. Joseph probably saw him as the bastard son of his adulterating mother (The Slut Mary) - as such, Jesus would never have identified with a male role model, confusing him about his sexuality and making him gay. Hot shit, I just psychoanalysed Jesus. I should use that in my psychology exam.

Anyway. Step in fucktards Christian Voice, a group of idiots who seem to have inserted their heads so far up their arses, all they see is smeared with bullshit. Initial campaigns to prevent the airing of Jerry Springer: The Opera were rightly ignored by the BBC, despite receiving 47,000 complaints. I'm surprised that many fucktards know how to use a telephone. Incidentally, check out their page about the show, as it is of particularly humorous disposition, though most of the stuff takes the piss out of itself. Try counting how many times they quote the Daily Mail.

When eventually aired, the show attracted a mediocre audience of 1.7 million, no doubt boosted by all the hype started by the fucktards. Any reasonable group would just give up at this point. But no! Not content with being the losers they have always been destined to be, Fucktard Voice (it's unfair to call them Christians, really) decided to post contact details for BBC employees on their site, who were subsequently subjected to a torrent of abuse from this hidden, nationwide network of fucktards. What a Christian thing to do.

Fucktard Voice are now pursuing "blasphemy charges" against the BBC, and they've called for the resignation of BBC governor Angela Sarkis, because she's a Christian and obviously no Christian can work for the BBC after this kafuffle! As for the blasphemy charges, it's worrying to think that the fucktards may not meet a dead end there. There's some ancient, widely ignored anti-blasphemy (against the C of E) law in our constitution which has only been invoked once over the past 50 years (some magazine called Jesus gay). Let's hope that this bullshit will bring it back into the public eye and finally get it ousted. Impediment of free speech on that scale is fucking unacceptable in this country.

It doesn't end here for Fucktard Voice. Look on their shitty website and you'll find loads of Nazi bullshit about "gay police officers". IS YOUR POLICE FORCE PROMOTING HOMOSEXUAL RIGHTS ON THE WEB? WHO GIVES A FUCK!. The only objection I have to them doing that is the fact that they should have spent that time catching criminals. I don't care what my local police officers get up to with their truncheons behind closed doors, so long as they're twatting plenty of gypsies/football supporters/Countryside Alliance members with them the next day.

Well I've just about said all I wanted to say about Christian Voice. It probably wasn't very funny but I wanted to get the point across. These Nazi scum should hop on the Mayflower like their ancestors did 400 years ago, settle down in Mississippi State, watch loads of "Jesus TV" on cable, and go and vote for the constitutional amendment to make homosexuality effectively illegal. And they should leave us levelheaded British out, free to watch offensive TV and laugh about Jesus being a shit fetishist.

Permalink || Posted 10/1/2005 by Pete


  1. Pope Benedict XVI - 26/4/2005 - 10:13pm

    Where are you coming from? Cant you see what we are all about? You should try us some time. God Bless You...Wanker!

  2. Adolf Hitler - 4/5/2005 - 9:44pm

    Zeez Christians haf vun ting vight... KEEL DE FAGS! Dere shoold be more keeling of ze Jews too. Now Herr Benedict, put ze plan into act-zion. "For great justice."

  3. Stephen Reynolds - 21/6/2005 - 6:25pm

    the best thing to do is to say to the pope - "why are homosexuals not accepted by the christian church?". hell start rambling some bullshit. when hes finished say - "but according to the bible, god created man in his own image, doesnt this mean god is confused about his own sexuality?". and watch the pope's face drop!

  4. The Natflap - 25/6/2005 - 2:33pm

    Great idea Steve, you should try it one day.

  5. Tom - 8/7/2005 - 3:38pm

    Last time I saw one of these fucktards I asked him that if God was so all powerful, and could smite down his enemies and heretics, and that he hates gays, then why the hell didnt he just smite them himself instead of letting some gumby with a wooden sign do it for him? The answer is either he doesnt care and therefore doesnt hate gays, or that he doesnt exist. That shuts them up so fast.

  6. Elkwoodjack - 20/7/2005 - 7:13am

    I like to believe most fundamental christians are bisexual. They're capable of pulling the pud at both genders- but choose their opposite- probably where their delusions that 'being gay is a choice' comes from. All the really gay and creepy ones head to the priesthood to make up for their naughty gender/age preferences. They'll never shut the fuck up, because they believe they're saving people, its their duty as good christians, seeing as God cannot do anything, for if he did he'd take our free will and we'll all have to believe and bow to him. Have a christian explain that to you, then ask "so why bother praying?"

    I love their argument when you have anythin valid to say; well, thats just Satan, trying to tempt you. Well yeah, God's favourite kid, makes a booboo, God sends him down to rule his own kingdom, lets him take charge and punish the people God doesn't like. Hmmm, are they working together or is there just a real fuckin' big plothole?

    Don't get me started on that God's great plan bullshit. Hey, if you're so great, couldn't you come up with a plan that achieved the same results wihtout all those hundreds of babies being eaten?

  7. Elkwoodjack - 20/7/2005 - 7:15am

    I'd also wanna see a christian that parades a sign around that says "God hates people who eat meat on Fridays."

  8. Chris Ward - 7/12/2005 - 2:05pm

    Dunno if you missed it, but a month or two ago Christian Voice commented on how Hurricane Katrina was a blessing because it practically destroyed the gay quarter. Fucktards... I like that term.

  9. Teapot - 17/1/2006 - 12:14pm

    Fucking christians...

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